💋 💋 AUGUST FORECAST: Hotter than your excuses. 💋
Stay cool. Drool responsibly.
You could spend another August melting into your couch, doom-scrolling like
it’s a full-time job, rewatching the same shows for “comfort,” and telling
yourself next weekend is when your life finally gets interesting…
Or…
You could spend time with someone who actually improves your day—and doesn’t
require subtitles to understand sarcasm.
Pick Envy.
🔥 5’5” of curves with a very noticeable 60” around the hips—yes, exactly as
dramatic as it sounds.
💙 Piercing blue-grey eyes (yes, they notice everything—and know exactly when
to speak and when silence says more).
💋 Blonde. Short, fun hair—chaos-resistant, not chaos-proof.
🎶 A voice you’ll remember… even if you pretend you won’t.
🧠 Sharp wit, faster comebacks, and a strict “no nonsense, no refunds” policy.
I’m intelligent, funny, composed,
and just the right amount of trouble
for men who think they can “handle it.”
Spoiler: most can’t. That’s not my problem.
Good thing I’m not looking for most men.
If your opening message is “hi,” I already
know you’re not ready for this level of effort.
And if you’re only seeking attention
from women because you’re not getting
it anywhere else… maybe it’s because
you’re not memorable enough to earn it.
Harsh Maybe. But I prefer honesty over confusion. So please don’t waste time.
If you’re serious, respectful, and
capable of forming a sentence with more
than one syllable and a personality behind it…
Also—read past the typos. You’re not a flying
elephant, you shouldn’t need everything
spelled out perfectly for you. Use that
smooshy thing between your ears.
Feel free to Try again, until you figure it out.
I might even be impressed.
Come find out why they call me Envy.
🥶 Stay cool.
🤤 Drool a little.
📱 Text when you’re ready to behave.
✨ The Essentials ✨
💋 Minimum Donation: $125
💋 Text Only
💋 Appointments Preferred
💋 Incall Available
💋 Limited Outcalls with Verification
💋 Discreet • Relaxed • Drama-Free
✨ Rules & Expectations ✨
✔ English Only
✔ AA Welcome
✔ Arrive Clean & Groomed
✔ Be Respectful
✔ Be On Time
✔ Know What You Want
✔ No Negotiating
✔ No Excessive Texting
✔ No Intoxicated Visitors
✔ Hygiene Is Mandatory
Rules
🚫 No Greek
🚫 No Mouth-to-Mouth
🚫 Please do not request services
not offered
✨ Upgraded or specialized requests begin
at an additional $150 and are considered
individually.
⚠ Friendly Notice
If your opening message is: “Hey”, “Available”,
“What’s your lowest” or my personal favorite…
“I only have $40.”…we are beginning our
relationship with disappointment. I’m not
looking for a texting buddy, bargain hunter,
pen pal, amateur negotiator, or professional
time-waster. I’m looking for gentlemen who
know how to communicate, follow directions
and appreciate quality company.
💋 Beautiful is common.
✨ Unforgettable is rare.
Come discover why they call me Envy.
Limited time availability.
The procrastinators, tire-kickers, and
“maybe next week” gentlemen are
encouraged to continue their journey
elsewhere. 😘
